tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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