wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
