if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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