It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Randomize