btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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