If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
this will be a night to untag.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
not ubering you a puppy
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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