Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize