Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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