Your face is a jimmy john
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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