Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I came so hard my ears popped.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
