so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
