I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
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