does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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