haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
