I heard we made out
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
