benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
