Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
