had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I had to cum in my sink.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
