Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
