I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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