You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
