if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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