two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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