Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
