Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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