For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
