K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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