is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
