..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
