You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
