I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
they're like a gay fantastic four
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
