honey bunches of taint.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
