I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
