ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
