Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
