I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
