so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
