I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
