are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
