its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
