Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
