I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
