I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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