So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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