So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
