I just pynch a tree in the face
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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