do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
