we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
