Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
