What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
