ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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