I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
