the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
