Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i drank out of a bidet.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
