Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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