There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
