i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
