hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
