you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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