i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
