Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
