i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize