I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
