Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
