I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize