yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
