How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
