My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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