I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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