wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
