nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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